Mel On...Running and Coping

This has been a very hard week for me.  My aunt passed away on Monday, my birthday. She was an amazing woman. Always smiling, ready to talk, lend a hand, tell a story...I could go on forever.  I love her sooo much and it hurts sooo bad to know that she is not here anymore.

Her funeral was yesterday.  I planned to go on a run in her honor but I couldn't pull myself off the couch.  It hurt too bad.  It was rainy and cold, a perfect match to my mood.  I just couldn't do it.

I woke up today and the sun was shining and I couldn't sit any longer. I laced up my shoes and ran.  I didn't know how far or how long I was going for, I just knew I had to run. I just wanted my body to hurt for a reason other than sadness. So, I ran.  I ran and I cried and I ran some more and cried some more.  A vicious cycle.  I went until I couldn't run anymore and I had no tears left.  

As I walked backed to my village, I passed a small farm.  I couldn't see the cows but I could hear and smell them and it brought back one of my favorite memories of my aunt.   I had to have been in my early tweens and it was summer and I was visiting my grandparents in Kentucky. We had gone up to my Aunt's dairy farm and she was showing me around.  I remember it was a sunny day and we were heading back in and I looked at her and said, "It sure is muddy here."  She laughed out loud, placed her hand on my shoulder and gently curled my hair...."that's not mud, sweety!"

It was me who laughed out loud this time.  God, I miss her.  But, for the first time all week I felt like it would be okay.  That she was okay.  And, that I would be okay too.  I went back home with the sun shining and a smile in my heart...